William of the Inneses

“This is hands down the worst film ever made in the history of the existence of the universe. There have been some bad films made but this is a travesty. It is hard to believe that money was spent to make this. It could have been used on something else (charity I suppose). …..The excellence of the Tim Burton/Michael Keaton films are long gone. The dark emotional center and development of the hero and the villains is sidelined for action sequences, action sequences and some more action sequences, some of them incorporating the worst CGI and model work ever seen on film.The casting itself had to the potential to make a good film. George Clooney could have made a great Batman ….Uma Thurman is perfect for Poison Ivy…. Arnie is maybe a little miscast as Mr Freeze, but he does well getting a chance to use some ‘great’ puns, but someone who can come across as more evil would have been better. Then there is Chris O’Donnell and Alicia Silverstone as Robin and Batgirl. Let’s just say more charisma can come from a line of fridge freezers with nothing in them. The only decent performance comes from Michael Gough as Alfred, only one of two actors to have appeared in all four films. His performance is wonderful in this otherwise mess of a film.The blame for this disaster can be laid at the hands of Joel Schumacher.” 

The film did have a good soundtrack though, with a few great songs from the likes of The Smashing Pumpkins, REM and Jewel.  The underworld song “Moaner” was a sort of unofficial theme tune and a hell of a lot better than the “Born Slippy” shite that they included in the Trainspotting Soundtrack..

The Outsiders

Much better than the other Rob Lowe/Patrick Swayze film, “The Outsiders” is bloody marvellous. I mean, just look at the cast – C Thomas Howell, Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Tom Cruise – its the 80s “brat pack” at their best. With a great Stevie Wonder track to boot.

Hard Boiled

John Woo shows what he can do in this excellent Chow Yun-Fat-Kicking-Fucking-Arse Film.  The music is great too.

Broken Arrow

And then here we have John Woo showing us that a big budget and a Scientologist do not a great movie make.  But the music is pretty cool.

Escape to Victory

Sly proves once and for all that unless he’s got a pair of boxing gloves or a big fuckoff gun, he’s pretty useless.  And he’s shit in goal. Bill Conti’s theme, however, is excellent

Revenge of the Nerds

Aye, I know this isnt the “theme” (the theme is actually pretty shite..), but the nerds live performance towards the end of the movie almost makes you want to be Booger.

The Big Blue

Any Luc Besson film with Jean Reno is awesome.  Fact.  Most Eric Serra soundtracks are awesome, another sort-of-fact.  The Big Blue certainly is..

The Protector

An early attempt by Jackie Chan at making an American movie, and a much better effort than any of the recent pish that has been out, The Protector is a manly movie with a manly theme.

King Solomons Mines

Ok, any Jerry Goldsmith score is going to be awesome but this deserves special mention as King Solomons Mines is utter, utter, shite. Apart from being a blatant Indy rip off, it proves once again that any film with Sharon Stone in it where she doesnt get her tits out isnt worth watching.

American Ninja / Red Dawn

Posted together as both films are proof that the eighties really does have a lot to answer for, and both themes scream “America, Fuck Yeah!”.